"Fight me? That's laughable ... try it, and I'll break Batman like a doll!

Joe Meach, armed with a broom and the powers of God. Story by Edmond Hamilton, art by Curt Swan and George Klein. From World's Finest #142, June 1964

Over at the ever-excellent Progressive Ruin, Mike Sterling alerts us to the welcome news that, among DC's latest solicits, there lurks a Composite Superman action figure. I'm not one of those guys whose house is filled with action figures -- I've got Aquaman (for obvious reasons), Madman, The Spirit, Hellboy and a few others - but I'll definitely be adding this one to the collection. Why? Because he's the greatest super-villain ever.

The Joker? Luthor? Bah. The Composite Superman achieved heights of villainy that wouldn’t be approached until Alan Moore introduced us to Kid Miracleman in the 1980s. But this guy debuted in 1964, in the sunny, candy-colored, Curt Swan-drawn era. And that, of course, made it that much more creepy.

Before he was the most powerful man ever, he was “Joe Meach…a failure!” (Hey, that’s what the caption says). After stopping Meach from killing himself in a stupid high diving stunt, the ever helpful Man of Steel gets him a job as “caretaker” (i.e. “janitor”) at the Superman Museum. Meach remains bitter as hell until, one stormy night, “jealous, sulky Joe neglects his work” and leaves the window open. A lightning bolt hits a display of mini-Legion of Super Heroes statues (which, as Supes helpfully explained on the previous page, are exact duplicates of the heroes.) Naturally, instead of dying a horrible death, “jealous, sulky Joe” gets all their powers.

All their powers.

Which means, considering the amazingly extensive line-up of the Legion, circa 1964, he can do anything. Anything. (And that means anything in triplicate, because he also got Triplicate Girl’s Powers.)

Forget Miracleman. Forget Doctor Manhattan. Forget the Spectre, Green Lantern, Galactus, Ego the Living Planet and Thor. Especially forget Superman, because, since Superboy was in the Legion, all his mighty powers are now one tiny subsection of the awesome arsenal belonging to “jealous, sulky” Joe Meach, aka God.

After this little turn of events, Joe does what anyone would do. He alters his appearance to the snazzy green-toned Supes/Bats blend captured so well in the action figure, then proceeds to humiliate our heroes by taunting them with their own secret identities, effortlessly defeating them at every turn and, best of all, building a giant castle with a huge statue of himself, clutching a globe. Hell, that’s what I’d do if I were Joe Meach. I’d remain “jealous” and “sulky” – but I’d be the most dangerous “jealous” “sulky” being who ever lived. Every person on Earth would devote every waking moment to try and keep me from becoming any more “jealous” or “sulky.”So how do our heroes beat Joe?

THEY DON’T! Superman, Batman and Robin (yeah, he’s a big help) vow to continue their hopeless fight, but you can tell they know they’re beaten. All seems lost until, conveniently, Joe’s power’s begin to fade. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get back to the museum to blast those statues with another lightning bolt (Lightning Lad, charter Legion member, remember?) until it’s too late. As his memory drains away, janitor Joe tries to write himself a note, but passes out before he finishes. As our heroes wonder what happened to the most powerful being that ever lived, poor Joe sweeps up his own scrap of paper and wonders what the hell he was writing about.

I know the Composite Superman returned plenty of times (though, for some reason, he doesn’t even get a listing in the new “DC Comics Encyclopedia.”) Whatever. For me, this first tale, all done up in cheery, Silver Age style, is the only story you need. Earth’s greatest heroes beaten by a janitor! Woo hoo!

Incidentally, that super-powered serial killer currently wreaking havoc in H-E-R-O is my blatant attempt to create a villain as flat-out cool as The Composite Superman. My guy could do just about anything, too, but I’m not sure he ever hit the villainous heights of Joe Meach. Maybe we should’ve given him a green face…