On with the show, off with the clothes

Today, believe it or not, is the day bloggers all over the entire world are celebrating the 10th anniversary of the release of the anti-classic SHOWGIRLS. Really. It's true. I'm not kidding. And, as someone who is (semi) proud to say that I saw it in a theater during its initial run, I feel I have to throw my two cents in on the matter. So here are 10 observations about this very entertaining, very bad movie:

Elizabeth Berkley, doing what she does best: Act badly.

1. It's hard to believe, but before its release, SHOWGIRLS was actually considered controversial. The reports of non-stop nudity, a lesbian smooch and the combination of director Paul Verhoeven and "writer" Joe Esterhaus frightened some people for some reason. Oh, if only they could've seen just how stupid and slight it really was.

2. The best review of Kyle MacLachlan's performance came from a critic who said he looked like he was "hiding behind his haircut." (And who can blame him?) His pool scene with Nomi (Elizabeth Berkley), by the way, is one of the funniest things I've ever seen, but it's not the funniest scene in the movie.

3. The big finale, where Nomi gets revenge on the Michael Bolton-looking guy who assaulted her friend? That's pretty funny, too. But it's not the funniest.

4. The scene where Nomi and Gina Gershon's Cristal (that's right, with an "i") discuss how dog food tastes? That's pretty funny, too. But again, not the funniest.

5. OK, so what's the funniest scene? It's the one, near the beginning, where Nomi angrily puts ketchup on her French fries. In fact, it isn't just the funniest scene in the movie. It's one of the funniest scenes in the history of film.

6. The great thing about SHOWGIRLS is that it's even funny to watch on TV, where they cut it to shreds. That's mostly because there's so much nudity, they can't cut every shot. So someone added digitally-created leopard print underwear to Nomi in several "key" scenes. They did it cheaply, though, so it shifts and shimmers like a bad special effect. Which, come to think of it, is exactly what it is.

7. Patrick Bristow, who plays Marty the gay choreographer in SHOWGIRLS (see above photo) , also played Steve, the gay choreographer on the fourth season of CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM. (He's the one who got Larry to keep saying "Fierce!," much to Jeff's dismay.) There's no doubt which is the smarter, better production, but I gotta admit, it's a toss-up as to which one is funnier.

8. Arguably, the only intentionally good thing about SHOWGIRLS is its striking poster design. But did you know it was ripped off from the book cover of THE BODY: PHOTOGRAPHS OF THE HUMAN FORM? Judge for yourself...


9. And, finally, I feel I should admit that I am in fact the (semi) proud owner of the SHOWGIRLS: VIP LIMITED EDITION, which comes complete with a DVD, shotglasses, playing cards and, believe it or not, pasties. But I got it for free. Really. I'm a video critic, you know. No, really. I am.

10. Here's what I said in that column. You can bet my comments were parsed damn carefully to appear in a family paper. Scroll down past the K STREET and the Nazi TITANIC. That's where SHOWGIRLS fits best, I think, by the way. Under a Nazi version of TITANIC.