Happy birthday, Joan!

Though Turner Classic Movies is spending the whole day showing Sidney Poitier flicks, the normally astute station is missing a bet by not turning the schedule over to the late, great Joan Blondell, who, if she hadn't died on Christmas Day, 1979, would be celebrating the century mark today.

So, like my pal Wayne, film expert Tim Lucas and the folks over at If Charlie Parker Was a Gunslinger..., I'm going to take a few minutes to pay tribute to this fun, fascinating star of the big screen.

You kids today, you probably have no idea who I'm talking about -- or, even worse, if you do you know her as the old lady from GREASE. But long before you were born -- Hell, long before your parents were born -- Joan Blondell was tearing up the movies. The production code didn't get teeth until 1934, and until that dark day, Hollywood movies were wild stuff indeed, full of gruesome violence, casual sex and adult innuendo. Joan didn't have much to do with the first item on that list (though she did co-star in the bloody gangster classic THE PUBLIC ENEMY), but she had the other two covered. And, as they used to say, how!

Joan always played the woman you knew had been around the block a couple of times, and you knew she had fond memories of those trips, too. Not conventionally beautiful by today's standards, she had a unique look that, combined with loads of charisma, a sharp sense of humor and an earthy sort of sex appeal, made her one of the most fun-to-watch stars of the early sound era. And, let's be honest: She knew how to pose for the cheesecake shots the studios demanded. And, I repeat, how!

Want to see more of her work? It's not as difficult as it used to be. THE PUBLIC ENEMY is available in a nice, extras-packed DVD. Even better, Warner Brothers' THE BUSBY BERKELEY COLLECTION (the best DVD release this year, in my humble opinion) gathers five of the choreographer's surreal masterpieces, and three of them -- GOLD DIGGERS OF 1933, DAMES and FOOTLIGHT PARADE -- feature Joan in top form. FOOTLIGHT is my favorite, teaming Joan up with her old PUBLIC ENEMY co-star Jimmy Cagney, but GOLD DIGGERS features what's probably her greatest musical moment, a gut-wrenching performance of the World War I vet anthem "Remember My Forgotten Man." She also co-stars with Edward G. Robinson in BULLETS OR BALLOTS, part of the recent TOUGH GUYS DVD set.

You can catch some of her later work in the excellent sideshow film noir NIGHTMARE ALLEY and in the Frank Tashlin-directed Jayne Mansfield comedy WILL SUCCESS SPOIL ROCK HUNTER? (Both movies are loads better than that goddam GREASE.) And Turner Classic Movies, despite dropping the ball today, shows a lot of Joan Blondell flicks, including plenty of spicy pre-code movies. Keep an eye open and check their schedule. (In fact, if you're reading this sometime before 7:30 a.m. Eastern, you can still catch the 1931 pre-code drama NIGHT NURSE, starring Barbara Stanwyck, Clark Gable -- and Joan.)

As for Web resources, there's always here Wikipedia and IMDB entries. Plus, I'd be remiss in not mentioning this fine tribute site, where I got the above photo. There are a lot more pics, plus a few film clips, so check it out.

It's the least you can do for Joan's big 1-0-0.

Chung chung!

For obvious reasons, I've been watching a lot of SESAME STREET recently, the most since I was actually a member of its target audience. And you know what? It's still pretty entertaining, even for a guy staring down the big 4-0. SESAME STREET has always been able to sneak in plenty of jokes for the parents without losing sight of the kids, and the current shows are no exception. Just check out this sketch from the new season ...



"Special Letters Unit"? Pretty ballsy, eh? I mean, how many toddlers realize that the prime-time versions of these fictional cops spend their day hunting down sex offenders? And yet it works perfectly in this kid-friendly context, with Chris Meloni's character being the hardass and Munch having all those Belzer mannerisms. (I've just been watching the first two seasons of HOMICIDE, and just the concept of a Munch Muppet is a riot. How about a Pembleton one next? Bayliss? Lewis? No .... wait ....Giardello!)

The learning side of things isn't neglected, either. Notice how the sketch sticks to the "M" theme: Munch, Meloni, "moo," Murray (the cow), mallard, moustache and "Mercy!" Pretty smart for a kids show. Hell, SNL hasn't been this funny or clever in years.

And I didn't even mention the "chung chung" jokes! Genius, I say! Genius!

Buy my comics, make me rich: CATWOMAN 58

Be sure to get your copy of CATWOMAN #58, which "drops" (as the kids say) today at your local comic book store. Just look for this Adam Hughes cover, which features everyone's favorite mind-wiper wearing her trademark top hat and tails (and not a whole lot else).

Inside, you'll find a one-issue tale revealing what the heck Catwoman does when two bad guys -- Film Freak and Angle Man -- stumble onto her new secret identity. Plus, there's another round in everyone's favorite game, "Who the heck is the father of Catwoman's baby?" -- including this intriguing panel...

Who's she talking about? Is she serious? And what's the deal with all that blood? Sorry kids -- gotta buy the issue to find out. Sue me. I've got a mortgage ... and car payments ... and a daughter ... and a crippling DVD addiction. Hell, it's only three bucks! Less even! (Well, a penny less.)

Oh, and in case you're wondering, the coming next issue blurb is a misprint. We're not really printing the same story and cover again next month. Here's the real skinny on CATWOMAN 59.

Who I am and how I came to be

Obviously desperate for copy, Brian over at Comics Should Be Good invited me to contribute an entry to their "Comics Blogs Should Be Good Series," kindly giving me the chance to hype X-Ray Spex and maybe drive some more traffic over to this neck of the woods.

Death, drugs and more death. Perfect reading for a five year old.

So, late last night and jagged on caffeine, I came up with a list of ten comics that screwed me up. Besides the usual suspects -- Spider-Man's buddy on drugs, the first issue of EIGHTBALL and EC's baseball dismemberment -- I also include a mind-numbingly bland issue of DC COMICS PRESENTS and reveal how I became an X-men fanboy ... by accident.

You can peruse the article here . And, hey -- check out the rest of Comics Should Be Good while you're at it. There's plenty of good reading.

Now all I need is my own TV show

If you, like me, are a fan of the brilliant COLBERT REPORT, you've probably seen Stephen display his"On Notice" board, where he lists his current enemies. And if you, like me, have dreamed of putting your own enemies "on notice," those dreams have now come true.


Thanks to this website you can have Mr. Colbert angrily put those you hate "on notice." Here's mine -- now make your contribution to the world's ill will. It's fun!

Our prayers have been answered!

It looks like there's going to be another season of CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM!

According to TV Squad, comic genius (and my personal model for how to live my life) Larry David has agreed to a sixth season, and the filming of the ten episodes begins in October. Sure, you can make the argument that the show isn't at its peak anymore (a peak I'd place somewhere in season two or three), but it's still way better than 99.9 percent of the drek on the airwaves. Look for a review of the fifth season DVD set soon -- it'll run at the Register Star, but I'll link to it from here.

The lamest con report ever

I had big plans to provide constant, up-to-the-minute blog updates at last week's Wizard World con, but unfortunately, the hotel I stayed in only had wireless internet access and this machine is strictly cable-ready. (In fact, it's so old it runs on steam.) So that means that instead, you loyal readers get the already posted post on stuff I didn't buy and this one, which contains the few con photos I managed to snap. Maybe next year I'll actually get a laptop made in this century. Until then....enjoy!

Here's my buddy Rob "Chappy" Ullman standing behind a table of his wares. Rob does some great self-published comics and is a modern master of the lost art of cheesecake. Check out his blog here.

Someone gave Rob this snapshot, then asked him to draw it "without the clothes." I've blocked out the woman's face because, clearly, she has enough problems already. Rob, being the professional artist he is, said he'd be happy to "take the guy's twenty bucks."

And, last but not least, here's the shot of the annual reunion of the FINALS team, Jill Thompson and yours truly, with comics pro Mark Ricketts peeking through. I saw some of the new projects Jill is working on (including another story for Dark Horse with writer Evan Dorkin), and Mark's new book NIGHT TRIPPERS (vampires in swingin' London!) was getting some much-deserved raves.

Overall, though the con was bigger than I've ever seen it, I had an enjoyable, low-key time. DC didn't send the usual barrage of editors to this one, so I wasn't able to horn in on my usual lineup of free meals -- though I did get at least one drink on the company dime (Thanks, Jack!) I didn't buy a whole lot either, though I did find some strange old stuff: A couple of Will Eisner's PREVENTIVE MAINTENANCE magazines he produced for the army and THE ILLITERATE JOKE BOOK, a "special" issue of the old behind-the-counter mag SEX TO SEXTY, which is jam-packed with the worst cartoons you've ever seen. Most of the jokes barely make sense. (See example at left. Do YOU understand it? Is it even a joke?) It hails from the far-off year of 1968, and could only have existed in that screwed-up era.

But I'm happy I found it (and happier I only paid a buck for it!), because forget the guests, the panels, the contests and the girls in superhero costumes, my friends. Free drinks, disturbing art commissions and unfunny old cartoons are what comic book conventions are all about.

Wizard World 2006: The purchases that weren't

I'm tired of hearing what people bought. Here's what I didn't buy at this year's Wizard World convention, held this past weekend in lovely Rosemont, Illinois...

Kojak's Buick. Price? $150

Original CAT PEOPLE poster. Price? $10,000. (That's right -- four zeroes. I love the movie, but this was way too rich for my blood. Plus, the condition was a tad iffy.)

Color copy of a pastel sketch of Howard Stern. Price? No man can say.

More thrilling Wizard World photos to come!

Come see why they call it a "con"

Just a quick reminder that, along with my chums Mark and Rob, I'll be among the masses at the big Wizard World show this weekend.

I'm taking the hit for Team Comix and plan to be there all the way from the Thursday "preview night" (whatever that means) through Sunday afternoon sometime. If you want to talk CATWOMAN, HERO, AQUAMAN or if you're one of those fans who really loved CAPTAIN ATOM, be sure to stop by the DC area, where I'm sure I'll be at various times this weekend. And if you'd like my name scrawled across some comics, so much the better.

By the way, check back here during the weekend. I'm taking along this creaky old laptop and hope to blog from the con. How original, eh?

A Thousand Words, Part 5

Sorry, I have no idea what this is from. I can't even remember where I got it. I like it though, but I'm not sure why.


But what do YOU think?