In which our writer reveals a young geek crush and analyzes the title sequences of not one but two incarnations of 'Buck Rogers in the 25th Century'

This week, the Onion A.V. Club pays tribute to some of the most memorable opening credit sequences in TV history (yes, they apparently have plenty of time on their hands, too). Among the classy choices -- THE SOPRANOS, FREAKS AND GEEKS, HILL STREET BLUES -- there's this cheesy gem...



Nice, eh? I was 12 when that TV show hit the airwaves, and even though I could sense it was definitely sub STAR WARS, I still loved it. It had space ships, lasers, robots and Erin Gray in a skintight spandex "uniform." Like every young geek, I had a big time crush on Col. Wilma Deering, and she still looks pretty good in that clip. A couple of years ago, both she and Gil "Buck Rogers" Gerard were signing autographs at the Wizard World Convention in Chicago. If I could've told the 12-year-old version of me that I could've met both Wilma and Buck face to face, my head probably would've exploded.

Thing is, that wasn't the only opening credits to BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY. In a moment of amazingly naked greed, the studio behind BUCK decided to take that cheap-o TV pilot and slip it briefly into theaters so suckers like me would actually pay money to see it instead of just watching it for free a few months later. That version of the pilot had a very different opening, one that combined elements of a James Bond title sequence, the opening of BARBARELLA and any Cinemax movie ever aird. As a bonus, if you ever said to yourself "That theme music from BUCK ROGERS is good, but I wish there were some lyrics...", well, your dream has just come true. Enjoy!



That could only have come out of the magical era that was the late 1970s. I mean, BUCK ROGERS was aimed at kids (the only audience undiscriminating enough to enjoy such a low-budget, goofy show/movie), but those credits are obviously targeted at an older audience. You get Pamela Hensley and Erin Gray, both who actually appear in the movie (though only Hensley is as slutty as she appears here -- Gray would have to wait for the crazed, classic "Space Vampire" episode of the series to play the dirty girl.) You also get an assorted other space tramps, some wearing futuristic space sunglasses, who leer at the camera, slide down the letters and/or fall into a passionate clinch with Our Hero Buck. More than once, in fact.

While the TV credits have a fairly cool visual scheme (Buck falling through time), the movie credits are All About Sex -- Buck's 500 year sleep as a five century erotic fever dream -- or at least a disco-era designer's idea of what a five century erotic fever dream would be. I vaguely remember watching this in the theater and thinking it was pretty weird. When I found the clip almost 30 years later (thanks, You Tube!), I was surprised how much it had burned itself into my head. Sci fi and sex. It's a potent combination. Just look at all the nerds who obsess over Princess Leia in the RETURN OF THE JEDI slave girl outfit.

That getup never did much for me. For one thing, I was 16 when JEDI came out, and even at that age I saw the slave girl outfit as a little sad and a little desperate, Lucasfilm's attempt to inject sex into a kids' movie franchise. It didn't work, partly because it was a dumb idea, and partly because Carrie Fisher (to her credit, I suppose) looked so damned uncomfortable in it. She's a pretty savvy customer, and I'm sure she knew how stupid an idea it was to make the Princess into a sex object.

But the ladies of Buck? That show (and movie) was aimed at both the kids who loved the spaceships and robots and the dads who were forced to sit through it -- but nonetheless appreciated the effort the producers made by dressing everyone in spandex. Maybe that's why it worked so much better here than in JEDI. It might've been stupid and silly, but it knew what it was. And though maybe all involved should've been at least a little embarrassed, they weren't.

Not even during that movie credit sequence. Wow. That took guts.