Need a little nightmare fuel? No problem.

OK, so I've been a little lax in posting lately. I lay the blame squarely on the holiday season, of course. But here, to make up for the lack of content, is video of a CARP WITH A HUMAN FACE.



Satisfied? I thought so.

* Via Boing Boing, who apparently got it from Neatorama.

Sorry, kids. No Christmas marathon this year.

As you may have suspected, the Christmas Movie Marathon I mentioned at the end of the Halloween Movie Marathon is, sadly, not going to happen this year. The reason? Well, it's Christmas, of course, and there are a million things I have to do instead. I really wanted to devote some time to my favorite holiday films -- CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE, MEET JOHN DOE, THE LEMON DROP KID (Tor Johnson in a Santa suit!), MIRACLE ON 34TH ST. (the original, not that bit of swill from the '9os) and, of course, IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE. I'm hoping to get an early start on it in 2008 (after all, there's no rule I have to actually write the damn thing in December) and post it next year, so keep your eyes peeled in about 11 months.

In the meantime, and on a completely unrelated note, here's the trailer to Will Smith's upcoming super-hero movie, HANCOCK...



I'm not much of a Will Smith fan, but I have to admit this looks intriguing. The special effects are a bit too obviously CGI for my liking, and I'm sure there's some awful heartwarming ending lurking in the wings, but I like the concept. I've always been intrigued by heroes with powers they have virtually no idea what to do with (see, for example, every single issue of HERO), and the shots of Hancock causing havoc and tearing up the pavement are just the sort of thing I've always wanted to see in a super hero movie. (That train bit, by the way, is almost exactly like an old Sergio Aragones cartoon spoofing Superman -- but it's a pretty solid comedy concept nonetheless.) And Jason Bateman as his P.R. guy? Great casting. Plus, Peter Berg -- an actor who definitely knows his way around the other side of the camera -- is directing. Could be good.

Between this, THE DARK KNIGHT, IRON MAN the movie about that Jones fellow with the whip and even the teleportation flick JUMPER, it could be a solid year for geek movies. And I haven't even mentioned SPEED RACER. Have you seen that trailer...



Chim Chim's not a CGI creation -- he's a real chimp! That alone gives me hope for the future.

Talkin' with Tom

Tom Spurgeon, the brains behind the excellent Comics Reporter site, talked with yours truly as part of his Holiday Interview series, and the results can be found here.

I had a great time talking with Tom, getting asked some thought-provoking questions and hopefully answering them in a thought-provoking manner. The topics covered range from Catwoman's baby (and her relation to my own daughter) to the reaction to AMAZONS ATTACK (and my reaction to that reaction) to how I feel working in not one but two industries whose imminent demise is forecast daily.

And, of course, Jerry Lewis gets mentioned, too. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Buy my comics, make me rich: CATWOMAN #74 and AMAZONS ATTACK collection

While you're finishing up that Christmas shopping on Wednesday, make sure you stop by your local sequential art emporium and pick up the latest issue of CATWOMAN. Here's Adam Hughes beautifully evocative cover...

This issue -- with art by David and Alvaro Lopez -- ties up the "Crime Pays" storyline in dramatic fashion, then jumps right into the next big plot, where our gal Selina gets involved in a certain DCU event. I don't want to give anything away here, but it rhymes with "Salvation Run" -- and it's definitely going in a direction you don't expect.

Meanwhile, I almost forgot to mention that the AMAZONS ATTACK hardcover was due in comic book stores last week. (I forgot mostly because I haven't gotten my box of comp copies yet -- c'mon, DC!). It's all six issues for a mere $24.99, complete with a lovely slipcover and sketchbook section, both by artist extraordinaire Pete Woods. Just the thing for under the tree!

As always, if you have any questions, comments or criticisms, feel free to air them here. I really do want to hear 'em.

Yes, even about AMAZONS ATTACK.

It's got electrolytes! That's what plants crave!

Let me get this straight? I can buy a can of Brawndo The Thirst Mutilator, and I don't even have to wait 500 years? That KICKS ASS!!! I'm sick of drinking water -- like in the TOILET!

Here's the commercial ...



Here are the results of an Onion taste test.

And here, electrolyte cravers, is where to get it.

Seven & Seven Is...

OK, I've been "tagged" (as the kids say -- though, in this case, they're not referring to being covered in spray paint) by my friend and co-worker Margo in one of those Internet blog things where you reveal a set number -- in this case, seven -- of strange things about yourself. Hell, I'm game. It's not like I need to be forced at gunpoint to write about myself. So here they are. Hope you still respect me in the morning.

(Margo's site, by the way, is one of the simplest, most elegantly designed blogs I've seen. No dopey Blogger template for her. Check it out here.)

1. When I was a kid and a sitcom -- say, for instance, ALL IN THE FAMILY -- would say it was "filmed before a studio audience," I actually thought this meant it was filmed chronologically before, as if it were recorded so long ago that it was a time before studio audiences existed. I'm not sure why I thought this, or how it could be in any way logical, but that's what I thought.

2. THE IRON GIANT and SLING BLADE almost always make me cry a bit, no matter how many times I've seen them. In GIANT, it's at the end, when the robot says "Superman...," and in SLING BLADE, it's when Karl gives the boy the bookmark that says "You Will Be Happy." Also, I always get at least choked up during THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS (when Chaz says "It's been a tough year, Dad" and Royal says "I know, Chazzie") and, believe it or not, during RAISING ARIZONA (at the end, when H.I. describes his future family and says "And they weren't screwed up, and neither were their kids"). Gets me every time.

3. Footage of birth is the one thing I can't handle. When I was in 10th grade biology class, some classroom film included a birth clip at the beginning and I almost passed out. Same thing happened years later in, of all places, Coney Island, when we saw a birth of a baby movie as the surprise payoff of a sideshow. I damn near fainted, but had to give the carny folk credit for such a simple yet effective twist on giving the rubes something shocking and unforgettable. My daughter, Allie, is adopted, but if Amy and I had gone the biological route, I would've been in the delivery room -- but there's no guarantee I would've been conscious.

4. The worst job I ever had was during the summer of 1987, when I earned money for college by working at a scrap yard. The hours were long -- 10 hours a day, plus 6 on Saturdays -- the co-workers were frequently drunk (one guy supposedly drank 18 beers every day on the job) and the conditions were less than ideal. Worst day? It's a tossup, but I'd give the prize to the sweltering July day my buddy and I were cleaning up an area and discovered the guard dog who'd been missing for six months, and apparently dead for five or so. Well, we found about half of him, anyway. And yes, we had to clean him up, too.

5. I'm strangely fascinated by the movie VANILLA SKY, despite the fact that not only do I think it's a bad movie, it actually annoys me in virtually every scene. Despite that, I usually watch it at least once a year and, what's more, when I know I'm going to watch it, I actually look forward to it. I even bought a used copy of the screenplay. It annoys me, too, but in a slightly different way than the movie itself. (Mostly thanks to Cameron Crowe's oh-so-precious asides to the reader). But, like the movie, I read it every so often. In fact, I just started reading it again this weekend. Why? How the hell should I know?

6. One of my favorite books is CATCHER IN THE RYE. I first read it in ninth grade study hall, and the reason I started it in the first place was because the guy I sat next to told me there were, and I quote, "dirty parts." There aren't any -- not really -- but it's a pretty good book anyway. If you never read it, you should. There are a lot of swear words, if that helps. And while we're on the topic of favorite books, whenever I read an article or profile where someone lists a book like THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE WHO MOVED MY CHEESE, anything with SEVEN SUCCESSFUL HABITS in the title or anything of that ilk, I immediately think "Asshole." And I'm usually right, too.

7. One of my great regrets is that I never joined a band during my misspent college or post-college years. I really love music -- especially the punk and power pop I would've ended up playing -- and wish I'd known the feeling of actually performing it in front of an audience. I couldn't (and still can't) play any instrument, but if I had learned to bang out a few chords on a guitar (or hell, even a bass), I'm sure I could've played with some bunch of slighly more talented slackers. In college, several of my roomates had bands (one of them, Frank, is still in the biz, playing guitar with Cobra Verde) and even here in Rockford I could've found a group to play around with -- if I'd ever picked up a damn guitar! Fool! You'd better believe I'm going to put a six-string or pair of drumsticks in my daughter's hands as soon as they're big enough.

OK, so that's it for me. I'm handing this annoying little task off to my buddies Jay, Rob, Wayne, Mark , Brian and Nik, though I'll be amazed if any of them complete it.

Hell, I'm amazed I did!