We are experiencing technical difficulties...

Since Santa decided to bring me a fatal hard drive error for the holidays, posting might be a little light on this blog until my replacement package arrives from Dell. So, in the meantime, please enjoy my favorite TV moment of 2008...

12 Days of Christmas: Hee Haw and Merry Christmas!

We're counting down to Christmas, one pop culture artifact at a time.

Here it is, the big day at last, and what better way to celebrate than with the last nine minutes or so of that perennial Christmas classic, Frank Capra's IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE. Call it corny if you must, but after two hours of despair, frustration and dreams dying -- plus twenty minutes or so of a pure nightmare in Pottersville -- this is one movie that earns its happy ending.

One moment always gets me: When Ernie the cabbie reads the telegram from Sam Wainwright offering to advance him "up to $25,000" -- which in 1947 was an enormous sum of money, and much more than the $8,000 that was missing. George looks genuinely stunned to hear that someone he always considered a goofball turned out to be a true friend after all.

So enjoy this clip, and if you've got time today -- or hell, any day -- watch the whole movie. It's genuinely great.

Oh, and Merry Christmas.

12 Days of Christmas, Day 11: The Ministry of Information Retrievel knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake

We're counting down to Christmas, one pop culture artifact at a time.

Besides being one of my favorite movies, Terry Gilliam's BRAZIL is one of the great movies set at Christmas that isn't necessarily a Christmas movie. In fact, it can be easily argued that, thought all signs point to Christmas' imminent arrival in the world the movie depicts, the holiday in fact might never actually arrive. It's that sort of world, and that sort of movie.

Whatever the case, BRAZIL is definitely dripping with Christmas decor. From the opening scene, where the ill-fated Buttle family is anticipating the holiday and reading Dicken's immortal tale "A Christmas Carol," the yuletide visuals are apparent...


The boy, incidentally, is playing with toy versions of the same soldiers who will soon burst into the apartment (preceded by a sound uncannily like sleigh bells -- one of Gilliam's many clever touches) and take Mr. Buttle away to be tortured to death.

That torturer happens to be nice guy and family man Jack Lint (Michael Palin), who has a Christmas present at the ready when he's visited by his old friend, Sam Lowry (Jonathan Pryce). Notice Jack's lab coat, still stained with the blood of his latest assignment...


Everyone at Information Retrieval has the holiday spirit, it seems. When we first see the well-armed, imposing shock troops, we notice their basement headquarters is festooned with a Christmas tree.

And later in the movie, in an even stranger mix of jolly and ominous, they're practicing their Christmas carols...

But the most memorable holiday moment in BRAZIL is one that American audiences didn't originally get to see. It comes after our hero, Sam, has been arrested. Just before he's sent to his old buddy Jack Lint, family friend (and government bigwig) Mr. Helpmann (Peter Vaughan) appears to Sam in his padded cell -- and he's not dressed in a suit and tie...

It's a startling, chilling, funny moment -- and one that fits perfectly with the nostalgic, surreal mood of the movie. Maybe I was wrong about Christmas never actually arriving. After all, Santa finally showed up, didn't he?

Coming tomorrow: The big day is finally here!

12 Days of Christmas, Day 10:

We're counting down to Christmas, one pop culture artifact at a time.

They say the most meaningful Christmas gifts are the homemade ones, so here's something I made way back in 1986 -- the complete second issue of my long dead mini-comic series VIOLENT MAN. It's a heartwarming Christmas issue titled (what else) "Mayhem on 34th Street."

Enjoy that? Want to see more like it? Just order a copy of LATE NIGHTS AT KINKOS, my recently (self) published collection of small press comics that includes this story (in a convenient, old-fashioned paper format) plus every other issue of VIOLENT MAN, other mini-comics and, in keeping with the yuletide theme, several homemade (and suitably snarky) Christmas cards. Just click here or check the link at the top of the blog.

What? Offended by the crass stab at unloading some product? What could possibly be more in the Christmas spirit?

Coming tomorrow: How do they celebrate Christmas in Brazil?

12 Days of Christmas, Day 9 1/2: Darlene Love performs on Letterman

We're counting down to Christmas, one pop culture artifact at a time.

As Shelly mentioned in a comment on the previous post, Dave does continue some holiday traditions, and the best is having Darlene Love stop by and sing "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home"), her classic song from the even-more classic album, A CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR YOU FROM PHIL SPECTOR. It's a great song, and she sings the heck out of it, year after year.

She'll be performing it again on Tuesday, Dec. 23, so be sure to tune in. As a sneak preview, here's a clip from a recent year (not sure which one). If this doesn't get you in the Christmas spirit, I don't know what will...

12 Days of Christmas, Day 9: Christmas with the Lettermans

Ah, I remember the holiday TV of my youth. Rudolph, Frosty, Santa on the Norelco shaver, endless commercials for Chia Pets, and, of course, Christmas-themed episodes of my favorite shows. You had Steve Austin ripping off Dickens on THE SIX-MILLION DOLLAR MAN, Fonzie eating canned pasta (alone!) on HAPPY DAYS, and this bit from Letterman, maybe the most magical Christmas special of all.

It's from 21 years ago, and it's hard to imagine Dave devoting an entire show to such a concept these days. But that was a different Dave back then, someone who'd rotate the picture every 15 minutes, base every show decision on viewer's choices and deliver this little present for the holidays. I wish he'd bring his family back -- I'm dying to know whatever happened to those kids.

This is only the first nine minutes or so, by the way, but I think it'll give you the flavor of the entire show.


Coming tomorrow: Christmas is not only getting too commercial, it's getting too dangerous.

12 Days of Christmas, Day 8: For a dark story, it sure does have a lot of Christmas lights

We're counting down to Christmas, one pop culture artifact at a time.

EYES WIDE SHUT, Stanley Kubrick's final film, is a spooky, unnerving journey into a psychosexual nightmare, full of threatening figures, ominous conspiraces and an overwhelming sense of paranoia and dread. Which makes it all the more surprising just how festive all the Christmas decorations are.

Here, for instance, is the home of Victor Ziegler (Sydney Pollack), an unimaginably rich man who throws an oppulent Christmas party that kicks off the movie. During that party, Ziegler is somehow involved with a prostitute OD'ing in his bathroom, but that doesn't mean he doesn't go all out for the holidays...

And it's not just for the party, either. This shot comes from late in the movie, when Tom Cruise's character comes by to confront Ziegler about his role in the secret conspiracy. Check out the jolly lights and candles hanging above that doorway!

Even in what's obviously his private sanctum, a huge library with a pool table and luxurious furnishings, Ziegler keeps things festive. Notice the decorations on the mantle behind him as he subtly threatens the life of poor Tom Cruise...

And it's not just Ziegler's home that's decorated in EYES WIDE SHUT. Virtually every location in the movie is adorned with holidays lights (all beautifully shot by cinematographer Larry Smith). Whether it's the Sonata Cafe, where Cruise has a drink with old pal/jazz pianist Nick Nightingale (director Todd Field) and learns about the top secret orgy...

... or a random newstand where Cruise tries to play it cool and hide from some spooky guy following him around Kubrick's amazingly lifelike recreations of the streets of New York, this is a movie that's completely caught up in the twinkling, colorful, cheery spirit of Christmas.

Or not.

Coming tomorrow: A little something from the city of David

12 Days of Christmas, Day 7: That sure is a big tree, Mr. Norton

We're counting down to Christmas, one pop culture artifact at a time.

MEET JOHN DOE is Frank Capra's other movie about a guy who plans to kill himself on Christmas Eve. In this 1941 classic, the would-be suicide is a down-and-out ballplayer (Gary Cooper, perfectly cast) who initially starts out as a fraud, hired by a newspaper to drive circulation after their star reporter (Barbara Stanwyck, even more perfectly cast) dreamed up the stunt as a last screw-you to the paper when she was fired.

Naturally, Doe becomes a national folk hero, and even more naturally, things get way out of hand, guaranteeing that come Christmas Eve, he'll be on top of City Hall, all set to take the big leap. It's a wonderful movie hurt only by a few too many bits of Capra-corn and an ending no one could solve satisfactorily. But it has many strengths, among them Edward Arnold playing a truly great villain -- power hungry rich guy D.B. Norton (played by Edward Arnold, one of my favorite actors). Norton, who owns the paper, makes the most of Doe at first, organzing "John Doe Clubs" that actually serve to funnel power in his direction. When Doe tries to expose the scheme. Norton smears him and that formerly loving crowd turns ugly. Real ugly.

So, as the movie heads to its inevitable (and inevitably disappointing) conclusion, we get this wonderful sequence of Christmas ala Hollywood. First, a beautiful shot (a matte painting, I'm guessing) of City Hall, all lit up as the snow falls...

Then we cut to D.B. He knows that this is the night John promised to jump all those months ago, and he's nervous the fool might go through with it. He's in his mansion, standing next to the biggest tree ever seen...

Then, as he hears carolers outside, D.B. looks to the skies, as if to say "Why me, Lord? Why must I put up with these annoying carolers?"

After that, his butler stops by to give him a drink, then stands around until D.B. reluctantly slips him a buck. He then walks all the way around the tree (like I said, it's a big tree) and stares out the window at those damn carolers...

Pretty soon, he and the rest of the cast are on the roof of City Hall, trying to convince John Doe not to jump (D.B. for purely selfish reasons, of course.) I won't reveal if they're successful. I just wanted to offer this peek of a big screen badguy with an even bigger Christmas tree.

Coming tomorrow: Just because he's a badguy doesn't mean he can't have a really big tree, Part II.

12 Days of Christmas, Day 6: How could anyone have as marv a Christmas as we are?

We're counting down to Christmas, one pop culture artifact at a time.

Originally published in 1967 (coincidentally, when I was celebrating my first Christmas), "The TT's Swingin' Christmas Carol" is vintage Titans, with a koo-koo-kooky script from Bob Haney and gorgeous, flowing art from Nick Cardy. It combines two things I love -- ridiculous slang and "Christmas Carol" remakes -- to make one hearty, heartwarming holiday brew. I still don't quite get the plot (Ebenezer Scrounge is somehow smuggling valuable stuff by disguising it as junk, but in the end, when Tiny Tom's wheelchair is smashed, somehow that device is now able to turn it into a brand new one? Wha-wha?) but it written so crazily and drawn so beautifully that it just pulls you right along. And here, for your pleasure, is the entire story in four panels.

I scanned these out of another of one those giant DC Limited Collectors Editions, but for that last panel at least, I should have used the reprint from 1982's CHRISTMAS WITH THE SUPER HEROES digest. For that version, someone decided to make that half panel fill a full page, so they drew -- and I use the term loosely -- the rest of the legs and wheelchair where the panel originally stopped. I don't know what poor production assistant drew it, or what part of their body they used, but it's one of the worst bits of drawing I've ever seen in a mainstream comic. And, needless to say, it makes the story that much more memorable. Ho ho ho.

Coming tomorrow: Just because he's a badguy doesn't mean he can't have a really big Christmas tree

The 12 Days of Christmas, Day 5: 'Silent' night

We're counting down to Christmas, one pop culture artifact at a time.

You know Christopher Plummer, right? Canadian actor, classy guy, just wrote a book. Best known, maybe, for playing Baron Von Trapp in THE SOUND OF MUSIC and delivering a tearjerking rendition of "Edelweiss" at the end.

But did you ever see him looking like this?


That's from THE SILENT PARTNER, a surprisingly sleazy bit of suspense released in 1978. Plummer plays a ruthless thief who dresses as Santa to rob a mall bank, then gets taken by teller Elliot Gould, who steals most of the money prior to the robbery, knowing it'll be blamed on Plummer.

Needless to say, Plummer is not happy about this, and it's that tension between him and Gould that fuels this tense little movie. Gould is his usual laid-back self, but Plummer is amazing rough, beating up one poor woman and putting the head of another in Gould's aquarium. If you only know him as that Von Trapp fellow (or as that Klingon in STAR TREK VI), you're in for a treat.

I highly recommend THE SILENT PARTNER for the sharp script, the strong performances (including support from a pre-SCTV John Candy) and the great late '70s vibe. But today, in this most wonderful time of the year, all that concerns us is Plummer as a psycho Santa.

So, here he is again. Let this image replace those sugarplums in your head.

Coming tomorrow: Dig that groovy Christmas lingo!

The 12 Days of Christmas, Day 4: Hah! Gloom will pervade the universe after all!

We're counting down to Christmas, one pop culture artifact at a time

If you think comic books barely make sense now, take a look at what passed for coherent storytelling back in the fabled Golden Age. Here's an untitled Superman yuletide tale from way back in 1940. When it was reprinted in the DC UNIVERSE CHRISTMAS trade a few years back, it was called "Superman's Christmas Adventure" in the table of contents, but it doesn't really have a title -- probably because none could sum up all this merry madness! (These scans, by the way, are courtesy of LIMITED COLLECTORS EDITION PRESENTS CHRISTMAS WITH THE SUPER HEROES, one of those great old tabloid-sized mags DC used to publish in the 1970s.)

On with the story -- After a splash page of Superman waving to Santa as the reindeer pull his sleigh, we get into the plot: Perry White gives Lois and Clark the least original holiday assignment ever...

While at the store, Clark and Lois run into a boy staring into the windows. He explains that (a) his name is Billy Connolly, (b) his mom and dad are poor, and (c) he gets no presents. Clark rushes back to the Planet with an idea...no! An Inspiration!

The plan is set in motion. A few days pass. Then, while Clark is walking to work, he can't resist peeking through the stone walls of "a sumptuous apartment building." Inside, he spies James Daniels, "one of the richest youths in the country" smashing his toys. Figuring he needs a lesson, Clark returns that night -- as Superman! -- and takes Daniels on a flight around the city, showing him a series of progressively more pathetic children. The last stop on the tour?
Naturally, James is shocked that poor Billy doesn't even have a single toy. But while Superman is solving one (admittedly minor) problem, a bigger one is cropping up "Meanwhile" at the North Pole...

After failing to convince Santa to stop making toys and turn his factories over to them, Mr. Grouch and Mr. Meaney get their ass kicked by the elves. Switching to Plan B, they attack the toy-repairing effort at the Daily Planet offices...

Naturally, Clark saves the day and declares "But in spite of them we'll fight on with even greater vigor!" So, when Grouch and Meaney gleefully turn their television screen on to witness the site of the wrecked toys, they instead see...

So they return to the North Pole, gas the elf sentry, smash up a bunch of toys and, when Lois Lane suddenly shows up, dispose of her in the easiest, most efficient, most realistic way imaginable...

Naturally, Superman saves the day yet again, but Grouch and Meaney have one more trick up their sleeve: They whip out that gas gun and blast Rudolph and company, and Meaney gets one of the greatest speech balloons in comics history...

So, as if you couldn't guess, Superman saves the day (yet again) by carrying Santa's sleigh. But after tossing Meaney and Grouch down a chimney (and taking the chance of breaking those old men's necks), Santa surprises Superman by showing a little Christmas spirit after all and leaves Meaney and Grouch their presents. The formerly evil men are deeply touched.

And so, all's well that ends well. But what, you ask, about James Daniels, "one of the richest youths in the country"? Did he learn his lesson?

Of course he did. Of course he did.

But you know, there's one thing that still puzzles me. Since this story posits (a) that there definitely is a Santa, and (b) that he's willing to give virtually anyone Christmas presents (as evidenced by his gifts to misters Meaney and Grouch), then how do you explain this...

Why does poor Billy Connelly have no toys -- none at all? What horrible crime could he have committed to wind up on Santa's permanent naughty list? Must've been pretty bad -- worse than gassing elves, smashing toys, gassing reindeer, trying to shoot Lois into space, gassing Clark and Lois...

Man, I don't even want to think about it.

Coming tomorrow: That guy from the SOUND OF MUSIC as a nasty Santa

The 12 Days of Christmas, Day 3: Tor and Ed get the holiday spirit

We're counting down to Christmas, one pop culture artifact at a time.

I've got a soft spot in my heart for the 1951 Bob Hope Christmas comedy THE LEMON DROP kid, partly thanks to the corny Damon Runyon plot, partly due to the presence of the always great (and always gravelly) William Frawley, and partly because I'm just a sucker for Bob Hope's so-basic-it's-almost-meta brand of comedy.

But mostly, it's because there's no other movie in the 100-year-plus history of cinema that includes this sight:


Yes, that's former Swedish wrestler Tor Johnson dressed up as jolly ol' Saint Nick. This is years before he'd appear in the classic Ed Wood films BRIDE OF THE MONSTER and PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, but I'd argue that the image of Tor in a Santa suit is at least as bizarre as anything cooked up by the booze-addled brain of Mr. Wood.

And speaking of Edward D., here's an actual Christmas card of his, as reprinted in Rudolph Grey's must-read biography, NIGHTMARE OF ECSTASY...

Yes, that is Ed himself as Our Lord and Savior, posing reverently next to the message "... lo, I am with you always...." The best part of the card? According to Grey's caption, it was originally in three-d.

Now that, my friends, truly is a Christmas miracle.

Coming tomorrow: Superman celebrates the craziest Christmas ever

The 12 Days of Christmas, Day 2: Christmas Morning at the Davenports

We're counting down to Christmas one pop culture artifact at a time

Here, from John Waters' 1974 film FEMALE TROUBLE, is arguably the least heartwarming (but most amusing) opening of presents in the history of cinema. After our heroine, Dawn Davenport (the late, great Divine) gives the least heartfelt performance of "Silent Night" ever recorded, she tears into her gift, hoping it's the pair of cha cha heels she's been dreaming of. Unfortunately...


Coming tomorrow: An Ed Wood Christmas

The 12 Days of Christmas, Day 1: Very bad Santa

We're counting down to Christmas one pop culture artifact at a time

Let's be honest: SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, the notorious 1984 slasher film, is a terrible movie. It's cheaply made, poorly acted, dimly shot and, worst of all, not scary. More than anything, it's boring -- something a horror film should never be.

But give the anonymous soul who cut the trailer for the film some credit -- those two minutes are damn unnerving. All that creepy Christmas imagery mixed with some of the goofiest movie murders in film history (Impaled on reindeer antlers? Decapitated while sledding? At night?) somehow adds up to one memorable trailer. I'd be willing to bet that before he made his THANKSGIVING trailer for GRINDHOUSE, Eli Roth studied this one pretty extensively.

And remember, it wasn't so much the movie itself that angered the parents of 1984. It was this trailer, specifically. After all, no kid is going to wander into an R-rated slasher movie, but they had a good chance of catching these two-minutes of concentrated nastiness on TV. As the father of a little girl, I think it's deplorable. But as a grown-up schlock film fan, I think it's borderline brilliant. Let's watch, shall we?



And, just to provide a bit of historical context, here's the clip of Gene Siskel analyzing the film as part of an AT THE MOVIES "X-Ray Subject." What's shocking these days is how serious and impassioned his discussion of the film is. I especially like how Siskel goes to the trouble to name the companies behind the movie, then names the creators. I'd disagree that, aside from the yuletide angle, there's much to set SILENT NIGHT apart from the rest of the equally nasty (and lousy) slasher movies of that era, but I can't help but admire his genuine anger and indignation. We could use some of that sort of film criticism on TV these days...



Coming tomorrow: Christmas morning in Baltimore

They left us in 2008

Here's this year's version of Turner Classic Movie's "in memorium" montage, remembering the film legends who passed on during 2008. I think there's a new version with Van Johnson included, but I couldn't find it on You Tube. So here's the current version. Let's hope no one else dies before the end of the year.



TCM does this so much better than the Academy. Of course, they're not dealing with a tight timeslot or the shifting applause of the audience, but even so, this annual effort always manages to convey a real sense of sadness and loss, plus a genuine feeling of admiration and even inspiration for what these people accomplished.

Plus, whoever assembles this realizes that the movies aren't just the big-budget, highbrow productions that get honored around Oscar time. They're the fantasies, comedies and no-budget oddities that stick with us and make watching a movie fun. It's great to see clips from DEATH RACE 2000, PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE and CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON used, and not in an ironic manner, either. The last person in this montage deserves his spot (and you can probably guess who he is), but Roberta Collins, Vampira and Ben Chapman do, too, and it's wonderful to see them included.

Need a Christmas gift? How about LATE NIGHTS AT KINKOS?

Look what I got in the mail yesterday...


That's right, it's an actual copy of the previously mentioned LATE NIGHTS AT KINKOS, the complete (or as close to complete as it's going to get) collection of my small press/self-published/mini comics work. In other words, it actually exists! So, howzabout a little visual tour. Here's the beginning of the introduction...


Here are some (of the many) comic book pages...


Here's a bit of the one of the text sections, with much-needed (and rambling) annotations explaining the obscure references and long-out-of-date Cold War jokes...


Here, in keeping with the holiday spirit, is a spread from the Christmas card section...


And here, last but not least, is the back cover, with the only bit of color art you're going to find in the whole damn book.


LATE NIGHTS AT KINKOS is 225 pages long, with black-and-white interiors and glossy (and snazzy) color covers in a standard six-by-nine-inch trade paperback format.

Almost the entire book is comics, with all eight issues of my old satire strip, VIOLENT MAN, three issues of my autobio (before autobio was cool, then uncool, then cool again) minicomic SLICE 'O LIFE FUNNIES, short strips, yuletide cards, pages from my sketchbooks and other assorted stuff. I'm pretty damned proud of this book (hell, I'm just happy to have it all in one place) and think it's a bargain for a mere 12 bucks. I hope you feel the same.

Want to order a copy? Just follow this link or click on the button below. You'll find more preview pages on the Lulu site, but be patient -- they take a while to load.

The Bible says a lot of crazy things...

From the folks at Funny or Die, here's an amazingly star-studded take on the recent civil rights debacle in California and other states, "Prop. 8: The Musical"...

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die