Time to man up, Esquire, and fix your damn list

Esquire Magazine, as always worried about what makes a man in modern America, has released a list of 75 Movies Every Man Should See. Click here to see the slideshow (with handy links to Netflix -- wonder what they paid to get such choice product placement?).

I lost count a couple of times, thanks to the annoying video commercials that show up every ten or so movies, but I think I've seen about 58 of the films on this list. Like all successful lists, it serves its real purpose -- namely, to give people like me an excuse to complain about the bad choices on it. (FATAL ATTRACTION? JOHNNY DANGEROUSLY?)

Oh, and here, by the way, are 10 movies the geniuses at Esquire forgot. I even managed to stick closer to their whole "movies for men" theme than they did. Sorry, though -- not Netflix links.

1. THE GAME -- Fincher's forgotten movie, with Michael Douglas learning to be a good person -- the hard way. (FIGHT CLUB is great, but it's a bit too obvious.)


2. CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND -- Man living the dream (rich TV producer by day, CIA killer by night) loses control of his admittedly complicated life. So good not even Julia Roberts' presence can spoil it.

2. THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU -- Esquire had BOTTLE ROCKET, which is the hipster pick for Wes Anderson movies. It's very good, but he's improved since then-- and this Anderson movie specifically focuses on the plight of an aging guy who wants to act like a boy.


4. THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE -- The forgotten Coen Brothers film. Billy Bob Thornton as a man who defines "tactiturn" stumbles into murder, various cover-ups and existential dilemmas. Beautifully filmed in B and W.

5. THE APARTMENT -- Billy Wilder's 1960 Oscar winner about a corporate lackey (Jack Lemmon) who learns to be a mensch. Frankly, I'm stunned Esquire left this one off the list.

6. THE BAD NEWS BEARS -- Because men start as boys. (The original, with Walter Matthau, of course).

7. THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123 -- Speaking of Matthau. Watch this one so you can burn it into your brain, because that new Tony Scott-Denzel Washington-John Travolta one is going to suuuuuuck.

8. THE CROWD -- Great silent film from King Vidor following the life of one ordinary man. Esquire must've left it off because it's not available on Netflix.

9. OUT OF THE PAST -- Robert Mitchum and Jane Greer in one of the great films noir. And they share one of the great exchanges in movie history: Her: "Oh, Jeff, I don't want to die." Him: "Neither do I, baby, but if I have to, I'm going to be the one who dies last."

10. FIVE STAR FINAL -- What's a movie list without a little pre-Code, and this nasty little classic is one of the best. Edward G. Robinson plays a tabloid editor who slooooooowly gets back his soul. Again, not on Netflix.

PS: By the way, Esquire, you geniuses used an image of the TV show for your MASH pick. Nice going.